Slow Sex: How To Magnify Your Sexual Pleasure

Slow Sex: How To Magnify Your Sexual Pleasure

https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2016/03/slow-sex-how-to-magnify-your-sexual-pleasure/

The Primary Benefits Of Slow Sex

While some of the benefits of slow sex might be more self-explanatory than others, I feel it necessary to point out the major benefits that come from engaging in regular (or even occasional) slow sex with your partner.

Practicing slow sex results in:

– More orgasms (higher total number of orgasms)

– More powerful orgasms (for both of you)

– More connection between you and your significant other

– Fewer and easier fights outside of the bedroom

– Less stress in your daily life

– More sex (in total time and in total number of weekly sessions)

– Your partner is more likely to initiate sex because the sex is that much better

– If one or both of you are male, slower sex gives a higher likelihood that you will be able to have multiple ejaculatory orgasms without being deterred by your refractory period (aka the time it takes you to sexually recharge)

– More expert level knowledge of what specifically turns your partner on and what gets them to climax.

 Foreplay

For many couples, their pre-sex rituals are the things that build the sexual tension and anticipation in the room.

Turn off any and all digital distractions (phones, tablets, computers, TV’s, etc.) in order to get out of your head and allow yourself to land in your body. Maybe you want to have a bath together, or start with some light massage.  Anything that allows you to disconnect from your day, get into your body, and connect with your partner is phenomenal pre-foreplay.

Now, on to the juicy stuff.

 Foreplay Tips If Your Partner Is A Woman

 Men’s sexual energy starts in the genitals and spreads outwards over time, and women’s sexual energy starts in the extremities and needs to be slowly brought towards the genitals.

So what does this mean in practical, actable terms? Unless you have a somewhat unique partner who wants you to just jump right in (and she tells you so explicitly), it’s considered safe practice to start with kissing, cuddling, touching, necking, etc., and then working your way towards manual stimulation and oral sex.

While this list is by no means exhaustive, here are a few examples of things that you can do to start your slow sex foreplay

(Note: this list is also not meant to be done in any particular order. This is a non-linear list. It’s a free for all. The best guide as to what your partners needs next is her body, breath, words, and overall sexual responsiveness.)

– Spend time touching and cuddling. Envelope her with your arms. Lightly stroke her hair. Run your fingers along her back, spine, and thighs in slow, lingering, circular motions to wake up her senses. If it’s genuine, make small appreciative grunts/moans/sounds that show her how much you adore her delicious body.

– If your partner enjoys being kissed on the neck/shoulder area (check with her first… some people adore this and others find it too ticklish), then spend a few minutes lightly breathing on the nape of her back, behind her ear, and over the part of her shoulder where her bra strap would normally fall. Easy does it. Start very gently. Let your breath and lips do most of the work to begin with and simply graze their skin. Over time, use somewhat firmer touch, suck on her flesh lightly, and maybe incorporate some teeth if she’s into that. Again, calibration. Some women like no teeth at all, others like it when you leave marks. It all depends on the individual and her preferences.

– Spend ample time kissing her. Kiss her lovingly. Kiss her slowly. Kiss her face, neck, arms, ribs, stomach, legs, inner thighs… kiss her everywhere. Lovingly take her face in your hands and kiss her softly. Grab a fistful of her hair and kiss her lustily (again, calibration – preferences around pain as a turn-on is unique – some love it, some hate it).

– Spend enough time on the preparatory phase that when you eventually go to put your fingers between her legs, you’ll have no doubt that she’ll already be dripping wet by the time you touch her. If you’re unsure, double the time that you tease her/engage in your foreplay. Her body should start moving in a responsive manner with your hands. Her breathing will change. Believe me, especially if you’ve never spent 30+ minutes on foreplay in your life before, it will be massively apparent when she wants you to escalate to touching her between the legs.

– When you have figured out that, yes, she definitely wants you to start touching her down there, don’t just b-line it for her. Again, easy does it. Slow sex is supposed to be sloooowwwwww. Enjoy the slow pacing of the drawn out tease. Run your fingers over her stomach, over her hip bones, down her hips, on the inside and outside of her thighs. Take your time. Remember the whirlpool analogy. Slowly find your way there. Allow your fingers to take their time finding their way into her wetness. And even when they have, start with slow, long strokes. Her vulva is it’s own whirlpool… so take your time finding your way to her clitoris.

– When you decide/she decides that you/she would like to have your mouth on her, kiss your way down her body. Kiss a pathway down her neck, collar bone, breasts, nipples, rib cage, stomach, hips, legs, inner thighs, calves, the crease where her thigh meets her groin, where her pubic hair is/would be (if she shaves/waxes)… kiss her everywhere. Multiple times.

– Get into a comfortable position (for you and her) when you’re getting ready to go down on her. You want everything about how you prepare to sub-communicate to her “I am sitting down to my favourite meal in the world… I’ll be here for a while so don’t mind me. You just sit back and relax.” If you contort your body into an awkward position that will inevitably make you cramp up, not only will it hurt your neck/body, but it communicates from the get-go “I’m just doing this for a few seconds because I think it is expected of me, and I won’t be here long.” So get comfortable. Take your time. And hopefully you’ve been doing your tongue/jaw exercises in order to last for as long as you want while you’re down there.

– In the context of any kinds of foreplay/sexual play that you’re doing with your partner, consider the intent behind your contact. Play with this. Vary it. Experiment. How would you touch your lover if the intent behind your touch was to show and communicate tenderness? What about if it was lust? How about craving? How about love? How would your intent shift the dynamic of your touch… whether you are touching with hands, lips, tongue, or other?

Like I said, this list is by no means a complete one. Maybe your partner prefers a rougher/more aggressive style during foreplay (if so, read this and this). Maybe she has her own unique style of foreplay not mentioned above that gets her going (foot massage, spanking, twenty minutes of you slowly sucking on her nipples, etc.). Remember, she is the expert. Go in with open ears and an open mind, and your slow sex session will be off to a great start.

 Foreplay Tips If Your Partner Is A Man

Contrary to popular belief, foreplay and slow sex are not just things that benefit women.

Anyone, regardless of gender, can have a more intense orgasm from the repeated rising and falling of their sexual arousal. I also like to think of extended sexual play as the masculine and feminine energies balancing themselves out (over time) by drinking each other in (through scent, fluids, touch/proximity, etc.). Men benefit from extended slow sex just as much as women do, albeit in slightly different ways. While women may find it easier than most men to have multiple orgasms, I believe that men benefit more (in a way) from getting out of their heads and into their bodies because our relationship to our masculine is hyper logical/heady one. But that’s a topic for a different article.

On to the slow sex foreplay tips for men. Again, not exhaustive and not meant to be linear. Calibration is key. Your man knows what he wants/needs better than any list on the internet, so make sure you’re communicating before and during your sexual play, and outside of the bedroom as well.

– Many men that I work with tell of how the hardest thing about getting in the mood for sex is getting out of their heads. The thing that gets them out of their heads and into their bodies the most consistently/the easiest? Touch. Whether it’s an extended hug hello, an unexpectedly tender kiss on the lips, or simply having their bare torso connect with their partners at the end of a workday, nothing gets men more into their bodies than physical contact. Start there.

– Consider the energy behind the touch that you’re engaging in. Your partner might need you to start with tenderness, care, and softness… or they might respond the most strongly to you unexpectedly grabbing their crotch while they’re engaging in a decidedly non-sexual activity (i.e. doing the dishes, watching TV, reading, etc.).

– Are you in bed/somewhere where you’re starting to get frisky? Great. Start with touch. Run your fingers through his hair. Move your hands over his chest. Kiss his neck, shoulders, arms, and back. Wake up his flesh with your lips and fingers.

– Kiss him softly. Suck on his lower lip. Graze your lips across his torso. Press your body against his. Let your hair act as another hand… drag it over him slowly, let it fall where it wants to. There is no order to this. The feminine chaos is part of your sexual charm… embrace it.

– After touching, kissing, cuddling, teasing for a while, you will know when he is hard and wanting more. But remember, (if I am speaking to a female reader) just as your wetness doesn’t mean you are necessarily ready to be penetrated, his hard penis doesn’t necessarily means he wants to penetrate you… yet. And even if he does, this is slow sex. He’s allowed to wait a liiiiittle bit longer. You want to walk the line between building anticipation/sexual tension and creeping up on his genuine frustration. You want to handle his penis/take him into your mouth/etc. before he’s genuinely frustrated and starts to lose his erection, but the window of time you have is likely longer than you think it is. So let him squirm a little bit. Anticipatory pleasure is still pleasure nonetheless.

– When you decide to start interacting directly with his penis, find your way there slowly. Run your fingers along his torso. Tease his inner thighs. Kiss your way down his body. Slowly run your finger tip along the underside of his shaft. Gently palm his balls (I know, balls can be confusing… but just start gently and work your way up from there. You’ll be able to tell what kind of pressure he responds to best when you experiment a bit).

– If you want to take him into your mouth, take your time. Hover your face near the head of his penis. Lick your way up from the base of the shaft to the tip. When you first take him into your mouth, you can either surprise him by taking him in at one fell swoop, or you can take the teasing route by only taking part of his head past your lips and pausing there for a moment. Whether you start with small, teasing kisses, or you envelope him fully, you really can’t go wrong. Just take your time. If his penis is in or near your mouth he’s having fun, I promise.

During Your Sexual Play

(Foreplay is great, and taking it slowly definitely sets the stage for some luscious, nourishing, heart-exploding sexual play. If I could, I would eradicate the word ‘foreplay’ from existence, because it doesn’t serve anyone to think of sex as either “all the stuff that isn’t penetration” and “penetration.” In truth, all sex is sex, and all foreplay is still sex. There’s no rule that says you can’t use your hands and mouth as standalone acts during/between rounds of penetrative sex. In fact, it’s encouraged. All of your parts, with all of their parts, all of the time. It’s much more fun that way.)

Sex isn’t meant to be sterile, or neat, or organized, or linear. Sex is sex. It’s a free for all. It’s all over the place. Sex is about feeling and connecting and playing and enjoying. That’s what makes it so much fun. It’s the one place where you get to throw off the shackles (or put on the shackles, you kinky thing you) of daily life and be free.

So, to carry the slowness into your sexual exploration…

– Take your time when first penetrating/being penetrated. Savour the moment. Enter/allow yourself to be entered while feeling every inch of your partner’s flesh.

– Make eye contact. Or wear blind folds. Kiss a lot. Or bite instead. Try out some dirty talk. Describe what you’re doing to them, what they’re doing to you, and what you want to happen next. You have eyes, mouths, hands, and ears for a reason. Touch, feel, communicate, taste, and play. You have all night.

– Bring them close to orgasm, and then stop just before they climax. You could either do this once/a few times in order to intensify their eventual orgasm, or you could do this for hours/all night (it’s actually a thing called orgasm denial… some people in the BDSM community love it)

– Make them climax with your hands, with your mouth, and with your genitals. Maybe your partner loves building up to one really big orgasm and calling it a night (which can still be built up/slowed down with kissing, cuddling, and connection exercises) or maybe they want to cum so many times that you both lose count. It’s all fair game.

After Play

Even if you’re both spent and feel like collapsing in a pile of oxytocin-flooded awesomeness, there are still things you can do to savour the moment as the afterglow carries you back down to a blissful reality.

If you are a male and female partnership, maybe the male partner had one orgasm and his partner had a dozen and the male partner has ample energy to give his partner a massage as she drifts in and out of sleep. Maybe you really benefit from close, press-as-tight-to-each-other-as-possible cuddling while you’re both still glistening with sweat. Maybe you’d prefer to hop in the shower so that you can lather each other up and wash off the sweat/sperm/lube/massage oil/coconut oil/etc.

Whatever you get up to as your sex sessions is winding down, take your time doing it. That’s the whole point of slow sex. Don’t race through it like you race through most of your life… slow down and savour every sensation. Every moan, every hair follicle, every tender kiss, every orgasm… remain present for it all. Watch your partner unfurl in ecstasy while you bond to each other even further. Mmmm life!

Pps. If you liked this article, you’ll also love reading:

– The Spoiling Session: The Best Sexual Exercise For Couples

– The 14 Day Relationship Revitalizer: A Free Step-By-Step Guide

– How To Figure Out What Your Ideal Sex Life Looks Like

– 6 Connection Exercises For Couples To Build Intimacy

– Supercharge Your Sex Life (Video Course For Men)